foodchewer:

dont talk to me unless you are a dog wearing sunglasses 

stevenfresco:

every day can be friday if you’re really irresponsible

oprahs-right-nipple:

when i was at my first high school there was this really religious girl who would tell you off if you swore or said stuff like ‘oh my god’ and then one day she wouldn’t stop correcting the science teacher and he just turned around and went “JESUS FUCKING CHRIST SOPHIE SHUT THE FUCK UP” and she freaked out and started praying and then the next week her parents tried to sue the teacher 

vulgar-grandma:

i want someone to fuck me as hard as life has so far